Griselda the Grunch is a witch who lives in a ruined tower in the hills above the village of Shoreham in the County of Kent.
She longs to munch the tender flesh of little boys and girls and contented crunch their slender bones, but most of all she wants to eat the three brothers who live in The Old Vicarage.
“Oh roast Julius! Stewed Alexander! Benjamin on toast! Just what I always wanted”, Griselda sighs as she casts spells and tries to make them travel to her. She has purple hair and a very loud voice and lives with her guards (three dim daft disgusting dwarves Julioso, Aliano and Benjio) and Boris her pet skull. Boris is strangely fond of Griselda, but sad that he has lost his body. He would like to get it back: “I wish I had a body. It’s no fun being a skull. How I long to dance and swim!”
In the vaults below the ruined tower Griselda’s dead ancestors stand in glass cages, their bodies preserved in special fluid: Lucrezia Grunchia the Black Marchesa (an early practitioner of Women’s Lib – she had six husbands and ate the lot), Count Friedrich von Grunch (a school master from Prussia who invented the ultimate solution for the discipline of little boys – he ate them), Baron Rufus de Grunch (founder of the family and also fond of children – for his supper) and the Vicomte and Vicomtesse de Grunch (who were guillotined in the French Revolution and to dismay of the watching peasants picked up their heads and walked away).
As a witch Griselda is pretty hopeless. When she makes a spell to make the boys travel to her something always goes wrong and they only lose their hair or escape to Ramion. So far as is known, the only person Griselda has actually succeeded in eating is Narg the Nanny. Narg gave Griselda terrible belly ache and turned out to be the Embodiment of Evil which resulted in Griselda having to appear before the Council of Evil, accused of doing good by eating Narg.
Sometimes Griselda dreams of being something other than a witch, perhaps an artist or a singer with a rock band, but she knows her family will never let her: her dead ancestors will break out of their cages and send her to Australia for doing good, like her Uncle Peter.
To read about Griselda sending the boys to the Kingdom of the Deep, click here.